|
RareTune's blather and other crapola...
|
|
|
| Why? |
[Jan. 14th, 2008|10:59 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | life, love | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Forgive Me - Group1Crew | ] |
Did you think they wouldn't say anything?
Why say all that and then never call? Never write? What's up with that?
It's been over a week.
Did you think it wouldn't drive me nuts? Did you think I would call and save you the trouble or did you change your mind (again)?
Posting this just makes me look crazy, but I don't care because that's how I feel. Like I'm mentally jumping out of my skin. I normally have a short attention span, but lately it's been ridiculous. Can't get it out of my head - there are reminders everywhere. It's like a live in a damn museum, no mater how I change things around or move things or box them up to store, something is always there as a reminder.
God bless friends. They have kept me occupied so I'm not thinking about it *all* the time. But they also don't know how much it's bothering me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. Because I sound crazy. I know it does. But I don't know what to do about that.
UGH!!!
I have had more than enough time to think things through, pray about it and I have my head in the right place. I know what I want and need to say if ever given the chance. Just need the damn chance to do it.
I don't even know if you read this anymore and I am gonna get so much flack for posting this. But, I need to know. I have to know.
It's an appropriate week, don't you think? |
|
|
| Longgggg time! |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|01:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  darn time change! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ambiant work noise | ] |
Egads, I have not written anything in years. (literally!) Wanted to say Hi, let anyone that cares know the cute boy and I bought a house, have 2 cat "children" name Widget and Teddy (pics to come) and have purchased a pool. Happy, fun!
I'm still working at the same place, and am now driving the cutest little yellow VW Bug you have ever seen.
That's a quick update. Maybe more to come soon. I'm getting all antsy to post again. We'll see what happens! |
|
|
| updates... |
[Nov. 12th, 2002|11:48 am] |
Sorry I have been MIA. I thought I'd give a quick update. Right now, I am fighting with a cold which forced me to miss my flue shot, still working at the same place (had some pay issues but I guess it's worked out), still living in North Olmsted with the sexy blonde boy, shopping for a car (I am taking one to the mechanic to be checked out today - keep your fingers crossed!)and still just being me.
I guess another reason I decided to write today is because I am having one of those fear moments. I've actually had them a few times in the last week. I'm doubting my security and myself and hoping it's just a phase and it will pass. I feel like I've done something wrong or that something has changed. Not a lot but just a little and that scares me. Maybe it's just being sick and hormones but last time I felt this way I ignored it and regretted it. I think holidays just have this effect on me. And womanly issues and illness aren't helping.
I say a prayer that I am right about the hormones.... More to come. I need to get back on the journal bandwagon.
<3 Charity~ |
|
|
| Pinching myself |
[Aug. 26th, 2002|03:25 pm] |
The past week has been beyond delightful. Love works in such mysterious ways, that even when you're stressed it calms your soul. My tummy aches a bit today though. Ick
Work is dragging a bit today and I wanted to write more (especially since I've been promising it) but it'll have to wait till lunch break tomorrow. I've even marked it in my Outlook calendar. See? I've finally found a way to commit to this writing thing. ;-) |
|
|
| Must...find...chocolate... |
[Aug. 20th, 2002|04:18 pm] |
Man, what a day. I have learned some disturbing news about a coworker, spent too much time in meetings and been yelled at by the mansion administrator of a Governor (for the third time). Eeesh.
I think I deserve chocolate. I may have to stop somewhere on the way home and find some or G's Nutrageous will be in danger of being eaten by me. ;-)
I still have oodles to fill you all in on about Ozzfest and this past weekend in South Bend. I'll do that tonight, since the wonderful and glowing entry I wrote yesterday was eaten by my evil work computer. A bunch of people are supposed to be getting new machines. I hope I'm one of the blessed. More memory and a killer processor here I come!!!
Till after work, my unconcentrating booty is gonna go try and get something accomplished. TTFN! |
|
|
| Wow... |
[Aug. 15th, 2002|02:17 pm] |
30-year-old Dave Williams, lead singer of Drowning Pool was found dead on his tour bus while on Ozzfest.
That is very sad for many reasons. He was young, a good musician and seemed to be liked well by everyone. G and I just saw him in concert two weeks ago when we attended Ozzfest in Columbus. (more about that adventure to come in another entry... it involves blisters and pain, so I am sure you'll all wait with baited breath)
My sincere prayers go to his family and his fans. I hope that it was some fluke of health or something and not a tragic drug or alcohol induced death like so many artists and musicians of the past have driven themselves to on purpose or by accident. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2002|02:54 pm] |
I am concerned abou G today for weather reasons. It's far too hot for anyone living and breathing that was not a desert creature in a past life to be outside.
Last night he came home sunburned and exhausted. Today it's in the high 90s and he's out working in it, with no sun block, no sunglasses and no hat. At least he had a big container of iced tea and a frozen gallon of water to take along. And tonight, he has to help his aunt move. Who moves on the hottest day of the week unless it is utterly needed no matter what?
Essshhh..... must think of something cool and yummy for dinner that won't make an overheated, oversweated boy barf on my carpet.
Work is busy as heck today. I have much to catch up on and finish before tomorrow since I'll be on vacation. I'd hate to think of what would happen if I took a week off... |
|
|
| Calm... |
[Jul. 31st, 2002|10:15 am] |
Chocolate, reading and sleep have left me a much calmer individual. I admit, I am not the best with anger management. I tend to be like a bull in a China shop, at least in my thinking. I didn't email anyone rude announcements of their cuntiness, nor did I show up on anyone's doorstep and shed their blood.
I'm still frustrated/hurt/confused but I'm calm and I've decided I'll just have to deal with it and be patient and loving and me. Not some bitter reckless hag.
We love eachother and just because hormones get in the way sometimes doesn't change that, I hope.
He always asks how or why I love him. As I've said before when he kisses me I still feel butterflies. When he looks at me I feel loved and beautiful. I have so much fun when we do things together, even mundane things like grocery shopping and making dinner or watching the boob tube.
I love how he drives with his knee, and waves at trailer parks because he messed up and waved at one once thinking it was where my cousin lived. I love how he laughs at my dorky jokes and picks on me everytime I walk past him. I love how we can be walking anywhere, a store or at home or at his family's home and he'll reach over a rub my tummy a little or grab my hand or put his hand on my back in this loving, almost possesive or protective way.
I love the noises he makes when he sleeps and how he drapes his arm over me when I'm asleep or tucks me into the crook of his arm and breathes warmth on my forehead. I love that he'll put his arms around my neck when I'm cooking in the kitchen or at the computer typing and he'll kiss my forehead at random times.
I love that he'll sing with the radio and watch chick flicks and horror movies, that he'll eat ice cream almost any day, that he looks damn sexy in jeans, in tidy whities, in anything. I love that he'll smack the snooze and stay snuggled to me for 5 more minutes in the morning.
And that's not everything, that's only a small list of a ton of wonderful things that I could share, that I have time to share.
I love him because he is Jorge/George. He is unlike anyone else I have ever met. And I'll take him quirks and all anyday.
::::::setting out barf bucket for G in case he reads this:::::: He sometimes likes mushy things but they also make him "ill" too. ;-) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2002|01:54 pm] |
G... Please know I love you more than anything and I'm sorry if you take offense to what is written in here. (if you read this anytime soon) I just need to vent. Sometimes it's not how I feel all the time it's just what I am feeling that the moment I wrote it. My writing down stuff that upsets me is far better than blasting you or anyone else with it. The post below this is strictly a rant. Writing it made me feel better. I do wish there were a way for me to know you were ending this all though. Guess that's too much to ask though.
I love you. |
|
|
| Sorry... |
[Jul. 30th, 2002|01:21 pm] |
Sorry my last entry was so vague. I guess I just didn't know how to process what was going on. I'm sure you all figured it had to do with the boyfriend.
~Begin bitter, pointless rant that just makes me feel better by getting shit off my chest~
I just worry. Not constantly, but now and then, and this info made me more than worry. It put off loud blasting red lights and horns in my head saying I was a fool. I was getting my chain yanked and no matter how much he says he loves me he still has a wandering eye... and other parts.
Reading that the person you love would "do anything" to get in someone else's pants would rattle anyone. And his assurances that it's just a game and nothing to worry about are hard to accept. I admit, I shouldn't be writing about this in here, but I warned him from the start this is my place to vent and think.
I want to believe him but I am still torn and confused. I don't want to end up like last time with him. I deserve to not be cheated on. Hell, I deserve to even have a guy who I love, and cook for and do wash for, and go out with and make love to and spend time with and laugh with and all kinds of other things with to not even "joke" about sticking his dick in someone else, for sport or seriously.
I know this is crass and blunt but hey, that's what's going through my head. He was going to meet her on Friday. How am I supposed to believe that was just to "chit chat"? How am I supposed to expect that promises of it all coming to an end are earnest?
I want proof. I want to talk to this slutty, married cunt on the phone and hear her say it's over. I want to hear him say it to her. I want to see the email or the IM or the whatever that he writes to her that says "I don't think this little play schpiel we've got going on is such a good idea since I have a girlfriend I am in love with and I don't want to ruin that or hurt her."
I want to knock on her door and tell her to screw off to her face and promise her that if she even deigns to look at my boyfriend ever again I will make her regret the day she was born. I will blackball her name in her entire city. I want to tell her husband he's married to a cheating, slutty cunt. (and mind you I hate the "C" word but it just fits this time)
I was tempted to send an email to her right off the bat, like I should have with the last one (But I waited too long with her...)I wrote it and it sits in my draft box now waiting for my angry fingers to click send and smash her little dream world to bits. I'm sure this would just fuel her to more passion on the subject.
I'm not stupid and I won't play games, but I will fight for what I care about. Both G and her need to know that. I'm tired of taking crap from other women who have nothing better to do that hit on someone else's man and offer up sexual promises that withhold from the men that are theirs. They need to get up of their fat, lazy asses and find their own boyfriend (I'm fat too, but I'm not lazy and I don't mess with other women's men). And the boyfriends of the world need to get off their lazy, non-thinking, penis-driven tushes and decide what they truly want: a woman that loves them and they have fun with and are happy with, or a cheap slut that will screw them over sexually and generally till the next new guy comes along.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. He might have stuff to do with it too, but raining down the fires of hell on her head and making her miserable would be far easier than being pissed at someone I love.
~End bitter rant~
I probably won't do anything since it's pointless. What does following through with useless anger accomplish? Nothing. I am so ready to go play volleyball or soccer or something and smack a few balls around. Right now I need something to vent pent up anger on and crying doesn't cut it.
~Side note - it doesn't help that my hormones are out of whack and Auntie Flow has been visiting for almost 30 days... UGH. It screws with my patience. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
raretune's journal