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RareTune's blather and other crapola...
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| Why? |
[Jan. 14th, 2008|10:59 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | life, love | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Forgive Me - Group1Crew | ] |
Did you think they wouldn't say anything?
Why say all that and then never call? Never write? What's up with that?
It's been over a week.
Did you think it wouldn't drive me nuts? Did you think I would call and save you the trouble or did you change your mind (again)?
Posting this just makes me look crazy, but I don't care because that's how I feel. Like I'm mentally jumping out of my skin. I normally have a short attention span, but lately it's been ridiculous. Can't get it out of my head - there are reminders everywhere. It's like a live in a damn museum, no mater how I change things around or move things or box them up to store, something is always there as a reminder.
God bless friends. They have kept me occupied so I'm not thinking about it *all* the time. But they also don't know how much it's bothering me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. Because I sound crazy. I know it does. But I don't know what to do about that.
UGH!!!
I have had more than enough time to think things through, pray about it and I have my head in the right place. I know what I want and need to say if ever given the chance. Just need the damn chance to do it.
I don't even know if you read this anymore and I am gonna get so much flack for posting this. But, I need to know. I have to know.
It's an appropriate week, don't you think? |
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| Longgggg time! |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|01:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  darn time change! | ] |
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| | ambiant work noise | ] |
Egads, I have not written anything in years. (literally!) Wanted to say Hi, let anyone that cares know the cute boy and I bought a house, have 2 cat "children" name Widget and Teddy (pics to come) and have purchased a pool. Happy, fun!
I'm still working at the same place, and am now driving the cutest little yellow VW Bug you have ever seen.
That's a quick update. Maybe more to come soon. I'm getting all antsy to post again. We'll see what happens! |
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| updates... |
[Nov. 12th, 2002|11:48 am] |
Sorry I have been MIA. I thought I'd give a quick update. Right now, I am fighting with a cold which forced me to miss my flue shot, still working at the same place (had some pay issues but I guess it's worked out), still living in North Olmsted with the sexy blonde boy, shopping for a car (I am taking one to the mechanic to be checked out today - keep your fingers crossed!)and still just being me.
I guess another reason I decided to write today is because I am having one of those fear moments. I've actually had them a few times in the last week. I'm doubting my security and myself and hoping it's just a phase and it will pass. I feel like I've done something wrong or that something has changed. Not a lot but just a little and that scares me. Maybe it's just being sick and hormones but last time I felt this way I ignored it and regretted it. I think holidays just have this effect on me. And womanly issues and illness aren't helping.
I say a prayer that I am right about the hormones.... More to come. I need to get back on the journal bandwagon.
<3 Charity~ |
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| Pinching myself |
[Aug. 26th, 2002|03:25 pm] |
The past week has been beyond delightful. Love works in such mysterious ways, that even when you're stressed it calms your soul. My tummy aches a bit today though. Ick
Work is dragging a bit today and I wanted to write more (especially since I've been promising it) but it'll have to wait till lunch break tomorrow. I've even marked it in my Outlook calendar. See? I've finally found a way to commit to this writing thing. ;-) |
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| Must...find...chocolate... |
[Aug. 20th, 2002|04:18 pm] |
Man, what a day. I have learned some disturbing news about a coworker, spent too much time in meetings and been yelled at by the mansion administrator of a Governor (for the third time). Eeesh.
I think I deserve chocolate. I may have to stop somewhere on the way home and find some or G's Nutrageous will be in danger of being eaten by me. ;-)
I still have oodles to fill you all in on about Ozzfest and this past weekend in South Bend. I'll do that tonight, since the wonderful and glowing entry I wrote yesterday was eaten by my evil work computer. A bunch of people are supposed to be getting new machines. I hope I'm one of the blessed. More memory and a killer processor here I come!!!
Till after work, my unconcentrating booty is gonna go try and get something accomplished. TTFN! |
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| Wow... |
[Aug. 15th, 2002|02:17 pm] |
30-year-old Dave Williams, lead singer of Drowning Pool was found dead on his tour bus while on Ozzfest.
That is very sad for many reasons. He was young, a good musician and seemed to be liked well by everyone. G and I just saw him in concert two weeks ago when we attended Ozzfest in Columbus. (more about that adventure to come in another entry... it involves blisters and pain, so I am sure you'll all wait with baited breath)
My sincere prayers go to his family and his fans. I hope that it was some fluke of health or something and not a tragic drug or alcohol induced death like so many artists and musicians of the past have driven themselves to on purpose or by accident. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2002|02:54 pm] |
I am concerned abou G today for weather reasons. It's far too hot for anyone living and breathing that was not a desert creature in a past life to be outside.
Last night he came home sunburned and exhausted. Today it's in the high 90s and he's out working in it, with no sun block, no sunglasses and no hat. At least he had a big container of iced tea and a frozen gallon of water to take along. And tonight, he has to help his aunt move. Who moves on the hottest day of the week unless it is utterly needed no matter what?
Essshhh..... must think of something cool and yummy for dinner that won't make an overheated, oversweated boy barf on my carpet.
Work is busy as heck today. I have much to catch up on and finish before tomorrow since I'll be on vacation. I'd hate to think of what would happen if I took a week off... |
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| Calm... |
[Jul. 31st, 2002|10:15 am] |
Chocolate, reading and sleep have left me a much calmer individual. I admit, I am not the best with anger management. I tend to be like a bull in a China shop, at least in my thinking. I didn't email anyone rude announcements of their cuntiness, nor did I show up on anyone's doorstep and shed their blood.
I'm still frustrated/hurt/confused but I'm calm and I've decided I'll just have to deal with it and be patient and loving and me. Not some bitter reckless hag.
We love eachother and just because hormones get in the way sometimes doesn't change that, I hope.
He always asks how or why I love him. As I've said before when he kisses me I still feel butterflies. When he looks at me I feel loved and beautiful. I have so much fun when we do things together, even mundane things like grocery shopping and making dinner or watching the boob tube.
I love how he drives with his knee, and waves at trailer parks because he messed up and waved at one once thinking it was where my cousin lived. I love how he laughs at my dorky jokes and picks on me everytime I walk past him. I love how we can be walking anywhere, a store or at home or at his family's home and he'll reach over a rub my tummy a little or grab my hand or put his hand on my back in this loving, almost possesive or protective way.
I love the noises he makes when he sleeps and how he drapes his arm over me when I'm asleep or tucks me into the crook of his arm and breathes warmth on my forehead. I love that he'll put his arms around my neck when I'm cooking in the kitchen or at the computer typing and he'll kiss my forehead at random times.
I love that he'll sing with the radio and watch chick flicks and horror movies, that he'll eat ice cream almost any day, that he looks damn sexy in jeans, in tidy whities, in anything. I love that he'll smack the snooze and stay snuggled to me for 5 more minutes in the morning.
And that's not everything, that's only a small list of a ton of wonderful things that I could share, that I have time to share.
I love him because he is Jorge/George. He is unlike anyone else I have ever met. And I'll take him quirks and all anyday.
::::::setting out barf bucket for G in case he reads this:::::: He sometimes likes mushy things but they also make him "ill" too. ;-) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2002|01:54 pm] |
G... Please know I love you more than anything and I'm sorry if you take offense to what is written in here. (if you read this anytime soon) I just need to vent. Sometimes it's not how I feel all the time it's just what I am feeling that the moment I wrote it. My writing down stuff that upsets me is far better than blasting you or anyone else with it. The post below this is strictly a rant. Writing it made me feel better. I do wish there were a way for me to know you were ending this all though. Guess that's too much to ask though.
I love you. |
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| Sorry... |
[Jul. 30th, 2002|01:21 pm] |
Sorry my last entry was so vague. I guess I just didn't know how to process what was going on. I'm sure you all figured it had to do with the boyfriend.
~Begin bitter, pointless rant that just makes me feel better by getting shit off my chest~
I just worry. Not constantly, but now and then, and this info made me more than worry. It put off loud blasting red lights and horns in my head saying I was a fool. I was getting my chain yanked and no matter how much he says he loves me he still has a wandering eye... and other parts.
Reading that the person you love would "do anything" to get in someone else's pants would rattle anyone. And his assurances that it's just a game and nothing to worry about are hard to accept. I admit, I shouldn't be writing about this in here, but I warned him from the start this is my place to vent and think.
I want to believe him but I am still torn and confused. I don't want to end up like last time with him. I deserve to not be cheated on. Hell, I deserve to even have a guy who I love, and cook for and do wash for, and go out with and make love to and spend time with and laugh with and all kinds of other things with to not even "joke" about sticking his dick in someone else, for sport or seriously.
I know this is crass and blunt but hey, that's what's going through my head. He was going to meet her on Friday. How am I supposed to believe that was just to "chit chat"? How am I supposed to expect that promises of it all coming to an end are earnest?
I want proof. I want to talk to this slutty, married cunt on the phone and hear her say it's over. I want to hear him say it to her. I want to see the email or the IM or the whatever that he writes to her that says "I don't think this little play schpiel we've got going on is such a good idea since I have a girlfriend I am in love with and I don't want to ruin that or hurt her."
I want to knock on her door and tell her to screw off to her face and promise her that if she even deigns to look at my boyfriend ever again I will make her regret the day she was born. I will blackball her name in her entire city. I want to tell her husband he's married to a cheating, slutty cunt. (and mind you I hate the "C" word but it just fits this time)
I was tempted to send an email to her right off the bat, like I should have with the last one (But I waited too long with her...)I wrote it and it sits in my draft box now waiting for my angry fingers to click send and smash her little dream world to bits. I'm sure this would just fuel her to more passion on the subject.
I'm not stupid and I won't play games, but I will fight for what I care about. Both G and her need to know that. I'm tired of taking crap from other women who have nothing better to do that hit on someone else's man and offer up sexual promises that withhold from the men that are theirs. They need to get up of their fat, lazy asses and find their own boyfriend (I'm fat too, but I'm not lazy and I don't mess with other women's men). And the boyfriends of the world need to get off their lazy, non-thinking, penis-driven tushes and decide what they truly want: a woman that loves them and they have fun with and are happy with, or a cheap slut that will screw them over sexually and generally till the next new guy comes along.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. He might have stuff to do with it too, but raining down the fires of hell on her head and making her miserable would be far easier than being pissed at someone I love.
~End bitter rant~
I probably won't do anything since it's pointless. What does following through with useless anger accomplish? Nothing. I am so ready to go play volleyball or soccer or something and smack a few balls around. Right now I need something to vent pent up anger on and crying doesn't cut it.
~Side note - it doesn't help that my hormones are out of whack and Auntie Flow has been visiting for almost 30 days... UGH. It screws with my patience. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2002|07:32 am] |
Not again. I don't even want to share details in here in hopes that it's all a bad dream. I want to believe him instead of what I saw but his past is against him.
Do you believe what the person you love says unconditionally even though the facts point elsewhere? What if they are the only person you can ask on the subject as well? ~big sigh~
Words I read last night stopped my heart and I swear I almost hyperventilated. It was like something huge and ominous was sitting on my chest laughing at me, daring me to breathe.
Can an old dog learn new tricks if it's lovingly and patiently dealt with and rewarded? I thought we were doing so well. I thought we were happy (again) I know I was... and I was just getting where I could forget about certain things for long amounts of time. They didn't matter anymore. Now it's like a wound someone picked at and now the damn scab is seeping.
This is gonna leave a scar. :-( |
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| This past weekend at King's Island |
[Jul. 17th, 2002|01:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Newsboys - "Shine" | ] |
Weekend started off with hotel troubles that are still being resolved. I will tell the whole story on those opnce I hear the final verdict. But for now you should all know to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER use the 1-800 number to make reservations at a Comfort Inn. UGH, I digress.....
Well, this past weekend was as predicted, AMAZING! G and I had a ton of fun at King's Island. We rode water rides (twice in a row on the wild river because we rode it last and not too many other people were around, woohoo!), attended a bunch of fun shows and ate typical theme park food: (dippin dots, fried cheese and chicken fingers, giant pretzels with cheese, YUM!
The concerts were great. The Newsboys blew everyone away as always. For those of you who don't know Newsboys are a Christian band I have a slight obsession over. I met them for the first time when I was in eighth grade at a Christian music festival called Ichthus, in Kentucky. They were amazing, but no one really knew who they were just yet. Before they ever perfomed several members of our youth group, myself included, hung out with them in the autograph and merchandise tent. They let us sit behind the tables with them, help sell merchandise and I even got to babysit the lead singer’s daughter (at that time it was John James, not Peter Furler). They taught us some of their dance moves and Vernon Bishop, thenguitar player even came to our campsite and had dinner with us. It was wonderful.
After that I tried to make it to every Newsboys concert I could attend in Ohio and I have only missed 3 since. The members have changed over the years and I doubt anyone remembers who I am, but I still love their music and the people in the band. It’s nice to see good people sharing a good message in a great format. You should all go check them out. Their site has music clips so you can see if they’re your cup of tea. Never hurts to try something new. |
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| YaY! |
[Jul. 12th, 2002|02:29 pm] |
I am all excited about this weekend and I cannot wait for the work day to be over. G and I are going to Kings Island in Cincy for the Spirit Song Fest. I think we are going to have a ton of fun.
Oh, and you all should be proud of me. I had car issues this week and I didn't bitch about them once in here. That took extreme restraint. ;-)
I do have to say I have the bestest boyfriend ever. He cleaned my kitchen for me one night this week. *G* I loooove him! |
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| YaYYYYYY! |
[Jul. 5th, 2002|01:38 pm] |
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My boss loves me! After I sent that post she came in to my office to let me know she and I are the only ones left here in the department and that as soon as I finish up my work I can go home! :-) :-) :-) This makes me an extremely happy individual. |
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| Falling asleep at my desk...ZZzzzZzzZzzz |
[Jul. 5th, 2002|01:29 pm] |
Teach me to stay out late the night before I have to work. And the kicker? I was supposed to get off early today and it's looking more and more like that's not gonna happen. Well, at least I can get off at 4 since I skipped lunch.
Quick positive side note: I will never know how or why I was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with *G*. He makes me smile all the time. Can you believe that the boy has lived only 2 minutes from the lake his entire life and never watched the sun set on it till last night? Wow. Now all I have to do is take him sled riding in the winter. hehe
The fireworks last night were beautiful. It amazes me the amount of stupidity some people possess though. The red necks were firing decent side pyrotechnics on the sidewalks (mind you the houses are very close) while people are walking home from the actual show. Eesh...not to mention one family who used the bed of their swanky pickup truck as a play pen for their children in diapers all day in the front yard. Oi vey...
And another thing, I have a mosquito bite on my pinky finger ::::itch itch itch:::: Got sandpaper? |
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| Almost forgot! |
[Jul. 3rd, 2002|03:05 pm] |
I got the *most* sinfully comfy bed EVER yesterday! I totally didn't want to wake up this morning. I could have stayed cuddled under the covers with *G* all day.
He cracks me up. He keeps saying it's "his" bed. Too bad the reciept has my name on it. :-P I did get him his own pillow and super-special Sponge Bob pillow case though. So that part is his. hehe
I'm loving the whole queen size bed thing. Yuuuuuuummmmmmmiiiieeeeee. Much better than a full size futon bed with a once 5-inch, now 2-inch thick matress.
Now all I need to do is get spiffy bed linens, since all my cool sun, moon and stars and t-shirt sheets and comforters only fit a full-size bed. |
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| Woah, it got dark quick! |
[Jul. 3rd, 2002|12:56 pm] |
Well, we just had some sort of a freaky power failure here at work. Everything just went *Poof* and off it went. It was pitch black and I couldn't see a single thing at my desk. It was off for only about 30 seconds and in about 10 seconds the emergency lights kicked in. I wonder if it was a brown out or something due to the heat and the overuse of power? Who knows. It's probably going to get even more sweltering that it was in here now though.
I think it made me realize how far away my cube truly is from any form of sunlight. I'm going to have to buy one of those fake window posters and hang it up or blow up a picture of the outdoors sometime so I can say I have an office with a view. :-)
It's kind of freaky being in the dark with your coworkers. :::cringe::: Some of them are scary enough in light.
<3 Charity~ |
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| Virtual PMS...:-/ |
[Jul. 2nd, 2002|01:52 pm] |
Okay, this entry and I are fighting. I have tried to post it properly 2 times. Hopefully third time is a charm.
==begin rant==
1. It bothers me that women like this one give amazingly sexy, outgoing, wonderful fat chicks like me a bad name. It bothers me also that if some sort of anorexic wenchy toothpick had done the same thing, it would have never made it into the paper. Skinny people get drunk and vulgar in public all the time. How does weighing 400 lb. make it more newsworthy?
2. It bothers me that a public library can now have you sent a court summons for having an overdue library book. I guess it wouldn't bother me as much if it weren't for the fact that the person in the story is only 12 years old! Come on, how many of you have had a book out longer than the legal limit? I would have been a delinquint/hoodlem if they'd had this law in my town!
3. It bothers me that someone thinks they can [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] http://www.cnn.com/2002/law/06/26/pledge.allegiance/index.html">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Okay, this entry and I are fighting. I have tried to post it properly 2 times. Hopefully third time is a charm. <sigh> ==begin rant== 1. It bothers me that women like <a href="http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/local/3545550.htm">this one</a> give amazingly sexy, outgoing, wonderful fat chicks like me a bad name. It bothers me also that if some sort of anorexic wenchy toothpick had done the same thing, it would have never made it into the paper. Skinny people get drunk and vulgar in public all the time. How does weighing 400 lb. make it more newsworthy? 2. It bothers me that a public library can now have you sent a court summons for having an <a href="http://www.denverpost.com/Stories/0,1413,36%257E53%257E695649%257E,00.html">overdue library book.</a> I guess it wouldn't bother me as much if it weren't for the fact that the person in the story is only 12 years old! Come on, how many of you have had a book out longer than the legal limit? I would have been a delinquint/hoodlem if they'd had this law in my town! 3. It bothers me that someone thinks they can <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/story.jsp?story=307449>copyright silence.</a> 4. It bothers me that a judge was willing to declare the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional. I am thankful that he has decided to reconsider, since the entire world basically <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/LAW/06/26/pledge.allegiance/index.html">ripped him a new one.</a> Heck, when vulgar, yet funny people like Opie and Anthony think you're a retarded judge, and senators think you're a putz, something has to be done. **end rant** On a side note: Two recent inventions will help you keep things "fresh." Sweating your ass off literally? Not any more! You can now carry an extra pair of fresh panties in your purse, with <a href="http://in.news.yahoo.com/020625/64/1qq5s.html"> paper panties.</a> Mild mannered Lois Lane by day, and steamy seductress and dominatrix by night? Keep your next victim...errr, should we say date fresh in one of these <a href="http://www.vacbed.com/products.html">new and unconventional beds.</a> I wonder if this works to keep people fresh like those food things on infomercials keep stuff fresh? If so, I bet that <a href="http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/wcvb/20020628/lo/1242055_1.html">82 year old lady that had all the plastic surgery done</a> will want one. Here's another one for you: don't have <a href="http://in.news.yahoo.com/020628/64/1qx5n.html">sex on a beach in Ohio.</a> You just might have to appologize to the entire city! I admit I love some of the sentences this judge has imposed but yikes! I've always wanted to get a little hot to trot in a semi-secluded public place. Can't blame a couple for trying. <3 Charity~ |
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| Crap! |
[Jun. 28th, 2002|02:09 pm] |
Man, our Outlook server is down at work and it's really bugging me. I feel like I've had a limb amputated or something. All the emails I was composing to send out are frozen off in space somewhere and I can't access my schedule calendar to see what and where my meetings are today. Some of them are in my planner, but those that were done in the last 3 days I haven't added yet because I have been so busy. This is evil.
UGH |
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| I officially have my "papers"! |
[Jun. 25th, 2002|12:35 pm] |
My degree came in the mail today. I'm an official, certified college graduate. It's amazing to me that for all that work all you get is a tassle you pay for and a little scrap of paper and ink to throw on your mantle and stare at.
At least they could have given us, I don't know. A cookie? hehe
Last night I went to see the live taping/performace of WWE Raw with G. Talk about a cultural and unique experience. We had amazing seats as well. Righr next to the little aisle where the beasts walk down to the ring. I'm sure we were on TV a bit. I'll have to watch the video and see (that is IF G's brother-in-law remembered to tape it)It was like violet theater. Anways, must run. More about wrestling and maybe a few pics later.
<3 Charity~ |
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